When we moved into our neighborhood eight years ago, I was very excited about the prospect of having neighbors. I had grown up with TV shows depicting neighbors wandering in and out of each other’s homes, sharing meals and bringing welcome baskets. As first-time homeowners, I was sure this awaited us in our new neighborhood. I imagined kids playing, neighbors sharing recipes, stopping for on-the-porch chats and becoming friends.
We moved in on a cold February day; there were no welcome baskets, no knock on the door, no neighbor in sight. I should give it time, I thought. Time came and went! The only interaction we had with anyone from the neighborhood was a letter from the HOA informing us of items around the house that needed attending to.
This is a pretty common and innocuous story. However, it seems that as a society, we have forgotten how to “neighbor.” We have plenty of courtroom dramas, news articles, and vines that show us the ugly side of forgetting how to neighbor.
Jesus had some things to teach us about neighboring well. In His context, the word “neighbor” referred mostly to other Israelites. However, in His encounter with the woman at the well (John 4:7-30), He expanded that definition to everyone we encounter. Let’s briefly look at some Do’s and Don’ts about neighboring, learned from the interplay between Jesus and the woman.
Three Don’ts
Don’t judge. Jesus didn’t care that she was a Samaritan, a woman, or about her history. Most of us assume she was an immoral woman because of her many marriages and the relationship she was in when Jesus met her. A closer look at history will show us that women of the time had no control over divorces. Only a husband could initiate one – for any reason without justification or proof. It’s possible all her husbands divorced her for inane reasons; perhaps she got older, couldn’t have children, or maybe she wasn’t a good cook. We don’t know. It’s also possible, given people’s health at the time, all of her husbands had died. A woman had a limit of three legal marriages regardless of circumstance. Maybe she was able to find someone to perform a fourth marriage, but a 5th, probably not. A woman with no male family member wouldn’t have a place in society. She would’ve needed a man to keep her from turning to undesirable sources of income. We don’t know why she was in her particular situation, and Jesus didn’t seem to care. If you want to neighbor well, don’t make assumptions and don’t judge.
Don’t build walls. The disciples were dumbfounded that Jesus was speaking to a woman, and a Samaritan. Had they known her history, what would they have thought? They couldn’t neighbor well because they couldn’t see past cultural norms. Jesus, on the other hand, didn’t care that she was a woman or a Samaritan. In fact, it is the longest recorded conversation He had with a woman in the four gospels. If you want to neighbor like Jesus, don’t build walls of individualism, denominationalism, sexism, racism, or any other cultural or societal isms.
Don’t push. Jesus didn’t push the issue of the woman’s past, whatever it was. She changed the subject, and He let her. He actually let her direct the course of their conversation. They were able to enjoy an in-depth discussion even though they came from entirely different places, cultures, backgrounds, and belief systems. Neighboring like Jesus means that we don’t push people, and we don’t push them away.
Three Do’s
Be present. There was nothing unusual about Jesus’ journey that day. There was no blaring gong that alerted Him to this divine appointment. It became a divine appointment because Jesus was “present” in this normal everyday interaction. We will neighbor better if we are “present” with people throughout our day.
Give value. Jesus, cattle-owner of a thousand hills, asks this woman for some water. He wasn’t just looking to bestow on her; he wanted to receive from her. We will neighbor better when we don’t see people as projects and treat them with intrinsic God-placed value.
Have a conversation. Jesus spent time talking and listening to this woman. Most men of the time would not speak to her, let alone discuss theology with her or listen to her thoughts on said theology. Jesus, however, listened, conversed, and interacted with her. One of the simplest ways to neighbor well begins with getting to know people through conversation.
The woman’s interaction with Jesus gave her value, voice, inspiration, and purpose. Let us neighbor as Jesus did.
Returning to my neighborhood, at Christmas time, I started leaving gifts for my neighbors. After a couple of years, some neighbors began to leave Christmas gifts on our doorstep. When my husband saw them shoveling snow, he offered his help. Eventually, we began to know our neighbors. We’ve had a couple of families over for brunch, and started taking welcome baskets to new neighbors. When Azzan, our son, was born, some of them brought gifts, and when Kelan tore his Achilles, we received a fruit platter and help shoveling our driveway. Now we have playdates and share our life struggles. We are still figuring out how to neighbor, but we realize that we should not just neighbor those who live next to us; we need to neighbor everyone whom we encounter. Jesus has shown us how.